The GRE-at Experience

Preface: This article is intended for the sake of humour. No names have been mentioned in this article however, any references made to any persons are purely intentional. If I had to dedicate this article it would be to everyone I know.

Welcome to the grand GRE discussion. Those of you are done with it (like I have), congratulations! (Unless you plan on taking it again, in which case, all the luck)

Most of you are yet to face this. You have probably booked a date too. Well done. First step taken. It’s only now that you will actually open your books. Heads up to those of you who haven’t booked a date. Just announce this, “hey folks! I am taking the GRE on so and so date”. Well, be prepared to hear the following questions every single day. (No exaggerations) (Also, all of you reading this can identify who said what to me, so have fun! :P)

“Kitna hua?”

“Kidhar se kar rahi hai?”

“Kitne mocks hue?”

“Mocks me kitne aaye?”

 “Kaisa chal raha hai?”

 “Barron’s ka mock liya? Kyu yaar useless hai”

 “Kaplan kar bro. Usi me se aayega” (yes, you are the one at ETS setting my paper)

“Kitne words kiye?”

“Words kahaan se kar rahi hai?”

“Dude are you mad? Magoosh words are insane! Barrons 800 kar, bas hua”

“Do the ETS mock just before the date, but don’t do it one day before”

 “Haan 315 aaya toh acha hai mocks me. Accept mil jayega” (I really admire the confidence in this one)

(AND THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ALL YOU JULY PEOPLE. BWAHAHA)

Funnily enough, all these questions are only asked by those who

• Aren’t taking the test 
• don’t know whether they intend to take the test
• Haven’t booked a date and are permanently preparing for it

And of course, no matter what answer you give, they ALWAYS have something contradictory to say. X mock isn’t good. Y app sucks. Z notes se kar hi mat and so on. In fact, there are only TWO things that all GRE takers agree upon and that is “Manhattan is the best!” and “Take the ETS powerprep mock last”. That’s it. Find another common thread and I will award you personally.

So yes, you will have interrogation sessions regularly and everyday once your date approaches. If you are the kind who wants to avoid answering such questions everyday (it gets annoying having to answer them time and again) just go and do it, without a word and announce the result with swag. Minimum drama. Maximum chill. (I know of two very wise people who did this. Salute)

Once this GRE fever sets in, people are automatically classified as the following. Pretty soon, every group there is has the following kinds of people (feel free to name)-

•        Ones who are definitely taking the test.
•        The ones who still haven’t decided (3^rd year khatam hone ko aaya bhai, ab toh bata hi de)
•        The ones who have decided they are doing GPAT only, because GRE diya toh GPAT nahin hoga.
•       The ones who say they are taking the test, start preparing, stay back in college, do group studying and finally announce that they are doing an MBA. (*slow clap. Standing ovation*)

Class 1 is further classified as:

•       Those who has been talking about the GRE since time immemorial and possibly preparing it for 6 months now but still hasn’t taken a date.
•       Those who are permanently taking mocks. Like literally, EVERYDAY. (you people have a lot of time)
•      Those who shrug nonchalantly and say “yeah chal raha hai. Chalne de. Ho jayega”

The ones who have actually taken it simply tell you to chill, like I am about to do in the next few hundreds of words. If you ask me it’s unpredictable. There’s no saying what’s going to be on your screen that day, there’s no important mock or question or topic. It all boils down to your fundamentals. Deep root your concepts. This works great in Quant. But in Verbal… okay.

If there’s one question that everyone simply must ask is “kitne words kiye” and “kahaan se kiye”

Vocabulary doesn’t improve overnight. Face it, it’s a language. There are no formulas to rote, good language usage stems from a deep understanding of the context in which words are used. But the GRE words are useless. Yep. Nobody and I mean, NOBODY uses those words which are esoteric to the erudite and recondite among contemporaries. More so, this is ironical seeing that the GRE is a test primarily for American universities. If you do want to pick up American lingo, you have Urban dictionary, replete will all American slangs. Jokes aside, to build your vocabulary, READ. Or as Roald Dahl says “…READ and READ, AND READ and READ, and then proceed to READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks! One half their lives was reading books!”

If not books online articles will do. Stuff from New York Times, Atlantic Weekly and brainypickings (what a blog. Lovely collection of articles) uses GRE language. Flipboard houses great magazines to read from too. And it is fun. Nothing beats combining a hobby and studies. So quixotic.

So, the ultimate question of what to do and how to do. I am definitely not the best person to ask, but here are some unconventional sources that I found immensely useful and would like to share.  There is tonnes of content available, just pick what suits you best. Don’t try to do all, unless you are the 6-month studying wala.

ETS: simply put, do not miss this. This is the question bank closest to the GRE. Argue all you want, the damn cover of the book says “made by the test makers” and take their word for it. It covers everything you need to know about the GRE and what topics and question types are tested.

Magoosh Blogs: these are gold. The amount of information on these blogs is immense, and extremely useful. Study plans? Check. Book reviews? Check. Solving strategies? Check. Examples? Few, but check. With monthly specials and weekly brain teasers, make the most of this. More than the study content, you get to read on strategies to tackle the test. And their study plans are pretty legit, whether you want to study for half a year or a month, they have it all.  If you don’t like reading however, you’d not prefer going through all of these.

Apps! If you travel a lot and want something on-the-go, you have tonnes of words apps. There is also a handy little one called Pocket GRE Math which in my opinion is great to test your basics. These do not require internet. If you are the data-plan type, Galvanise Series of apps are good to, offering hundreds of questions, like a mini-mock if you would like to call it.

In summary, the GRE is unpredictable. Just do your best, hope you don’t get verbal as your experimental. And don’t forget, nobody, not even most universities give a shit about it. It’s just for a day, lasts precisely 24 hours and finito. Have fun!

PS: I would like to thank all of you for your kind wishes, moral support and constant pestering (yes, because it led me to write this).