Slow Eaters

Dedicated to my slow eating friends who are immensely understanding and I absolutely love them for this. You make the best dining company <3.

Most of you who have dined with me are well aware that I am an incredibly slow eater. Some of you find it downright annoying and unbelievable that anyone can eat this slow, some patiently bear it.

The world hates slow eaters. And unlike what you'd like to believe, we do not eat slow just to piss you off. We CANNOT eat fast. Ask slow eaters to finish a meal in 15 minutes. We'd rather go hungry than gulp down food. You are the butt of all slow eating jokes like "hey by the time you finish, we can get your birthday cake for next year" or the one below cracked everyday by mothers.

Eating slowly has a number of benefits. You get to enjoy the taste of food, feel its texture, making each meal a unique experience. It is said that it helps you prevent gaining weight. Eating is accompanied by other sort-of productive activities. You get a lot of time to watch movies/shows or read books. In a day, breakfast + lunch + evening snack + dinner takes about 2.5 to 3 hours which equals one movie or 3 episodes of a series. Or a couple of chapters. As you sit for ages at the table, your observation power improves. My chair faces an Oriya painting on the wall and I can name all elements of the painting having stared at it for ages. You get to do absolutely pointless things like count the number of bhindi pieces you had and boast about it.

People who eat exceptionally fast make the worst dining company. They really hate us, those impatient fools. Because they finish their meal in a couple of gulps and are forced to watch you slowly "ruminate" (as a pal puts it) over the next one hour. What annoys them more is when they ask you this,
"Can you be any slower?"
"Yes", and you proceed to prove your point that leaves them fuming.
To ease the tension, the slow eater attempts making conversation to which the fast eater replies, "Talk less, eat more! And eat faster, it's been 30 minutes already!"
"Half an hour, that's all? Oh did I tell you about..."
*finds self sitting alone*



You see, it's just a little pet peeve. And to all you folks who eat at a reasonable pace, think of it in this way, you get to spend a longer time with us. Learn to eat leisurely, the world isn't going anywhere.